| Philadelphia: PRR Steam Plant Implosion |
[15 Nov 2009|10:45am] |
Made the early morning trek up to Philly to see this go down. I got there about an hour before it went down and staked out a spot. I was the first person on the block but even minutes after I got there people began to pour into the streets. I got a better spot for my video camera than even the lady from Controlled Demolition International (the people bringing down the stack) did. She was probably pissed. They did a poor job of giving people a signal when this was going to go down. The news said 7:30. Than the CDI lady said 7:45. It actually went down around 7:47. They usually let off a siren or something when it is about to happen but they didn't do anything. My video camera was acting up about 6 seconds before this happened and thankfully it started filming right at this second. I didn't even have to edit this video at all. It was perfect timing...
While I was waiting I saw something that looked like a giant rat go under this Jeep. Some people and I walked over to take a look. We saw it was an opossum. Later on the opossum walked across the street through the crowd of people and dug under the fence and started walking towards the implosion. I don't think he even made it to the tracks but wherever he was I'm sure he got a rude awakening.
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| Battle plans for future histories |
[14 Nov 2009|04:18am] |
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1993.
“It’s over.” I said.
There was a pause, a rise in the visual intensity level behind her eyes and a swift punch to my jaw.
I walked back to my car sobbing like my lungs were too small. I slammed my fists down and down and down on the steering wheel and screamed to every living thing, “I will never allow myself to be hurt again. I swear to fucking God.”
2001.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes.”
And she walked out. I sat on the armrest of my couch and let the tears slowly run down my face and on to the carpet. I was a sad sight and I knew it. So I set up a camera to capture just how low and pathetic I allowed myself to become.
2002.
“Fuck you,” she said and slammed the door.
I stepped on the gas and thought about racing into oncoming traffic. It would be fast and I’m sure I wouldn’t feel much.
I felt the slow creep of death overtake the next month.
2006.
“One day we will greet each other with a handshake.”
I let go first, held her face and kissed her lips. And walked out.
I never died. The air came to my lungs, the words returned to my fingers and my face repaired itself with a smile.
I rarely bother anyone with the details – I need to know I can do this alone. It tempers me, it makes me stronger. And if I just keep my head down and keep walking, I know – I am absolutely fucking positive – that time will do its job.
I pass people on the street and am certain that each and every last one of them has felt hands squeeze and attempt to crush their motivation, their will to live and the light behind their smile. I know that each and every last one of them has cried over loss.
And I look at each and every last one of them as an example of perseverance and survival.
I am only alive because you still know how to smile.
2009.
DEMONSTRATIVE MONSTERS
pre-sale begins 11.17.09: 3am chicago time. 8pm sydney, australia time. 9am london, england time.
150 copies ever.
hardcover. $60us/67can/72world. ppd.
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| Won't Someone Think Of The Children? |
[13 Nov 2009|05:34pm] |
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music |
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Wings Of Fire - The Rods |
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This week, a place in Brooklyn had a .40¢ cent chicken wings promotion. Apparently teenagers there liked it so much that they did what any normal teen does when provided with an inexpensive after-school snack—they shot and stabbed each other.
At least this time guns weren't blamed for the stupid actions of people. The blame was put squarely where it belongs—on the restaurant. Wait, what?!
"Earlier this week, Councilwoman Letitia James blasted the place for promoting its 40-cent “Wing Tuesdays” to students, telling the Brooklyn Paper, "We got to do something about Wild Wings. I want this Tuesday restaurant promotion stopped, or the lease of this business revoked."
Thank you Councilwoman James, for having the courage to stand up against Wild Wings and their Chicken Mind Control Technology™ that turns young scholars full of promise into depraved murderers.
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[13 Nov 2009|02:20pm] |
 Old Changi Hospital Location: Singapore Abandoned for 12 years Camera: Yashica GSN Film: Rollei Retro 400, shot at ISO 200 |
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| First Time Posting |
[12 Nov 2009|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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This House/Barn is located a little outside of a small town called Mulberry Grove, Illinois...I hope you enjoy...
View from the outside...
( Read more )
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| 10.10.09 Abandoned school "Autumn"... |
[12 Nov 2009|01:23am] |
Here has visited one more thrown school. Certainly some can not like a state, in comparison with last is worse... But also in this there is a snap. Any autumn spirit when you look out of a beaten window and you see orange-red trees and when so the sun beautifully sits down... Much all school, any figures, posters, a heap of school desks, chairs, sports hall and many other things in this report.
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| apologies in advance. |
[11 Nov 2009|03:15am] |
fine. fuck it. youll get me at a moment of weakness.
i can already feel the "you're going to regret this in the morning," but fuck it.
you can sit all day online and read about peoples sadness of breakups. the post sensitive-artist drivel that pours out of their mouths and on to blogs around the world. there certainly is no shortage of that. and god, you certainly dont need to read that. but truthfully, i havent felt much. its as if its not really happening. i havent cried or even felt the urge to. which is strange since i have lost it after ending things with girls i barely even cared about. maybe most of those were about the fear of being alone but i think im actually pretty okay with being with me and my head. and really, i have so many of you to thank for it. the more you go around talking about things, the more you learn coping skills. well, thats what the doctor said on the documentary i watched a few nights ago about people who survived plane crashes. but i think the emotions i placed on breakups back then were really misdirected because i simply didnt want to be alone.
but this time is different. oh, listen to the cliches already.
see, i havent mourned. i havent opened up. every last person who has asked me what happened i have told them, "it was just that time,"... which really is just bullshit. its no reason. its the reason you give when you dont want to go into just how badly the other person wrecked you. when asked, "how are you doing?" i have responded, "im fine," no less than 100 times in the past day.
i truly am stoked that i would have so many people out there willing to listen to me. i am thankful of this every waking hour. but this thing, like all breakups, is done alone. you can talk all you like but no one holds your hand while the thoughts of that person making out with someone new race through your head at 3:18am. no one is there when you realize you will never hear that laugh or feel her hands as she played with your hair or the way she depended on you. because it was awesome that she depended upon you. because it made it feel real. fuck all the psychological bullshit about it being unhealthy, it was rad when she looked to me for advice. it was rad to know someone who truly knew me. me. not the funny me, or the writer me, or the internet me, or the pizza guy me... but the me who likes putting my feet on the bottoms of your feet. the me who would just stare at you from across the room even after three years and just watch you yell at a computer screen and think it was more adorable than kittens. the me who thought you were funnier than anyone and everyone combined. the me who thought you were "cool", like fucking cool. the me who loved the smell of your dirty hair. the me who found it endearing when i saw your dirty underwear. because thats how real it was. more real than any of them combined.
(no offense to those who still read this)
and sure, maybe its fucked up that i still wake up with a smile. i eat just fine and go about my day. i laugh and order food and get tea with friends and shop and my life hasnt missed a beat. not a skip. not a moment staring at a blank wall. and that sucks. because i know what that means. it means that i am not prepared for this type of devastation. my brain and heart have not come up against anything like this and they are shutting down. like preparing for hypothermia, they are shutting down parts of my body to protect my core. but its only a matter of time before the bomb drops. before the cold takes over and i feel it. i know what wreckage feels like and if i hold my breath and pretend its not happening, its not happening. but see i have taken it all and walked away from: 5.5, 3.5, 5, and 3.5 year relationships. yeah, add it up. none. none have come close. none WILL come close to this level of devastation.
you know i talk to girls now and it feels hollow. i say the words and play the game and none of it is real. my mouth moves and my brain is just shaking its head from side to side in disappointment. its all words. its all well put together phrases designed to evoke a response.
wanna see?
"you look adorable today. i love what you did with your eyeshadow." instant smile.
its not a lie... but i know what im doing. i wouldnt say it if i didnt mean it but i also know what emotion it evokes. its like i have been cursed because i have studied how to speak to people, how to captivate peoples attention and how to write the words. again, they arent lies. but they are intentional.
i hate this. right now. i hate the fact that i never had to pull any of that bullshit with her when i did with every last girl i even kissed. and you know, its a fucking embarrassingly long list. and not once, well maybe in the very very beginning, but never did i pull that bullshit with her. you know why, because she called me on it. for all the shit i talked she was beyond brilliant with a bullshit meter that could tell the future. and i needed that. i needed someone to call me on my shit. because no one ever did. and yeah, maybe it was messed up and dysfunctional and messy but fuck it was real.
so ill fall asleep just fine tonight, just like i have for the last week. no worse sleep than usual. no staying up late pouring words into some secret journal. no bad mouthing her to my friends and no spontaneous bursts of sobbing. and thats fucked. because i know its coming. more than it ever has before, its coming... sweet, just in time for my birthday on tuesday, the release of a new book, thanksgiving and maybe even christmas.
so yeah, things are "fine" right now. but they wont be.
hey, you said you wanted to listen.
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| Fate |
[10 Nov 2009|05:44pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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This Holiday - Pongo Pizzle |
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So much to say, yet the words won't come out. For so long, you have been my muse--but I think today was the game changer. I guess the one moral is that after all, I should continue to fear for the worst; that way I won't be shocked when my life falls in shambles around me.
At the moment we are basically teetering on the edge of our relationship--she is too bored with things and is happier apart from me then when she's actually with me. She doesn't love me as much as she used to, and isn't sure if she can even be in a relationship with anybody. I've known it for months now, but finally got the thumbs up over D'Angelos. The million-dollar question is whether or not we can break through and make it to the future we've both envisioned. Or will our faulty relationship genes pull us down like anchors. This love is the Titanic, and I don't plan on letting go. Yes, I'm Leo, but in Whats Eating Gilbert Grape. Except my fat mom is played by Julia. Wait...does that work? Oh, fuck it, I'm sick of metaphors. I've given my heart and received a glass sandwich in return.
If this ends up failing, I'm 100% moving to California after graduation--no lie. I won't want to hang my head high in this town anymore.
-Michael
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| Recovering the Satellites |
[10 Nov 2009|01:00pm] |
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music |
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Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows |
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"Gonna get back to basics
guess i'll start it up again
i'm fallin from the ceiling
you're falling from the sky now and then
maybe you were shot down in pieces
maybe i slipped in between
but we were gonna be the wildest people they ever hoped to see
just you and me
so why'd you come home to this sleepless town
it's a lifetime commitment
recovering the satellites
all anybody really wants to know is...
when you gonna come down
your mother recognizes all your desperate displays
and she watches as her babies drift violently away
'till they see themselves in telescopes
do you see yourself in me?
we're such crazy babies, little monkey
we're so fucked up, you and me
so why'd you come home to this faithless town
where we make a lifetime commitment
to recovering the satellites
and all anybody really wants to know is...
when you gonna come down
she sees shooting stars and comet tails
she's got heaven in er eyes
she says i don't need to be an angel
but i'm nothing if i'm not this high
but we only stay in orbit
for a moment of time
and then you're everybodys satellite
i wish that you were mine
so why'd you come home to this angel's town
well it's a lifetime decision
recovering the satellites
all anybody really knows for sure is...
that you're gonna come down
that you're gonna come down"
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