| How does it feel when we get locked into a stare? |
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[02 Dec 2007|12:45pm] |
I haven't updated this journal in well over a year.
I still read my friends page almost every day.
I think I'm going to start fresh,
Somewhere I can post new pictures and new thoughts.
If I do, I'll add everyone that I care about reading.
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| copied from greatestjournal, but edited a little bit out. |
[15 May 2006|06:10pm] |
[14 May 2006|12:10am]
i'm really scared to make an update about the last 30 or so hours because i honestly don't know how it will turn out. so i will leave out all the unimportant words.
(no specific order, but close enough.)
stress. annoying mom. psych final. coffee. pictures before prom @ Patricks. car ride to Boston Sports Club in jaguar. bus ride there, fucking front seat = lame. the Boston Park Plaza being right near where we saw Blue Man Group. and the garage being down the street and the little area where some funny shit happened at BMG. pictures. mingling with people. big wall opens and enter the big room. table #25. food. dinner was actually pretty good and funny. clam chowder! and crackers. and putting chicken on amandas plate. etc. i really didn't want to dance that much, and i don't know why. i guess i just wasn't in the mood. and towards the end of the night i was really spacey and couldn't concentrate or even stay focused and look at zach. got dizzy and had to sit down. had fun doing the little bit of dancing i forced myself too. Senior Celebration from 12ish-4. similiar to my Graduation Up All Night party last year. playing follow the leader with zach because honestly it is hard keeping up with the kid. hung out in the "casino" and spent some quality time trying to win with matt. bumping in and talking to taylor a few times. pictures picturesss pictures. i started losing my voice for no apparent reason. i forgot to mention how on the way from the bus to the car to the sports club it was pouring and i walked through swimming pools of puddles in my shoes and dress. and even just changed in the car. blah blah blah. headed to zachs house after 4am. 11 people. zach, me, patrick, his date sarah, nick, sean, edgett, matt, brittany, jamie, and his date casi. attempt at sleeping. attempt at watching a movie. the best cuddling ever, all night (well..morning) long. sleep maybe for an hour. breakfast and tv until like noon. OH and apparently i had a threesome with zach and sean. i was told to journal this. it only really consisted of less than a minute of me lying on top of zach and sean lying on top of me. as a joke. i don't even know. hahah. casi mentioning spooning all morning. i wish i could have talked, but my throat really sucked at life. i don't know if it was because i got no sleep or what, but i barely had a voice. like i said, the best cuddling ever and i never wanted it to end. got home by 1pm. shower. auntie sues for kellys first communion party. food. Disney Sorry with Justine, Adam and Ray. ray quite first, the justine, then i gave up cause it was only me and adamn left. i was the blue pieces and i had Peter Pan, it was pretty cool. me attempting to make hot coffee. lots of pepsi. fooddofdoo. cake. came home with justine. one hour nap. attempt at making plans. dennys with liz and heather. etc. i called zach just to tell him i love him and that i was in a good mood. he said he likes it when he knows i am in a good mood. i was real hyper. and off the wall. running on about 2 hours of sleep.
that was really condensed, but it will suffice.
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[08 May 2006|10:55pm] |
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la da de da. i never update this journal.
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[06 Jan 2006|04:38pm] |
sometimes i sit in dark rooms and listen to trainwreck with my face down on the couch. sometimes it's umbrellas' "the city lights" on repeat. sometimes i miss you.
it's not all the time i feel like this or look like this.
i've got heavy, black eyes, but you wouldn't notice anyway cause the light is off.
sometimes i wish i had the guts to call you.
i hold a lot back.
peaceful, yet so bored.
i've got nothing to say to anybody,
i've got nothing to do.
only a couple more hours of waiting.
i hid all my buddies on AIM so i can't see who's on. you can IM me if you want, i'm not hiding, i'm just hiding you.
i wish i could be somebody. anybody.
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[13 Nov 2005|12:14am] |
it's like everything is fitting into place again.
things were only bad for a short period of time.
please don't let this winter ruin me for the 18th time.
happy 2nd 6 months, baby. ♥
looks like we'll survive this one.
(and that makes me extremely happy.)
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[31 Oct 2005|10:13pm] |
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R.I.P. JOHN HOLOHAN.
www.baysiderocks.com
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| copycopypastepaste (from greatestjournal, written earlier in the day) |
[29 Oct 2005|02:06am] |
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all these questions are reminding me that you have no clue who i am. you barely know me and we spend so much time together and talking. it's like, these random people off the internet have been asking me questions. questions that are way out there and clever and creative. and i'm stuck here knowing you don't know the answers to those and these random people do. it's like, i've never had anyone ask me questions like these until now. what's your favorite kind of muffin, what's your favorite thing to do when it's raining? when i read those questions, my mouth dropped. i've never been asked such simple questions like that. which one led to a conversation about how you only see rainbows when your a kid. it's true. it brought back memories of running around my old neighboorhood when i was a kid, in the pouring rain, and after the storm shower, a rainbow would come out and we would all be amazed by it. it's like eyes glued to the sky opposed to now, mind glued to the thought you really don't know me well. it's weird. so then there's also random messages over myspace. "are you a writer?" no one's really asked me that before, so i didn't really have an answer. "i don't consider myself a writer, because i don't think i'm very good at it, but i like to write a lot. and friends tell me i'm good at it". you know what response i got. "you're a writer. do you sing?". another question never asked thrown in my face. why can't you ask me random questions like what's my favorite kind of muffin and what i like to do while it's raining. it's like you'll never know i love the sound of rain, but hate it with a passion because it makes me depressed. it's like you'll never know i do write a lot about you, but you only skim for your name and most of it is all cryptic. your name is hidden within the sentences. so why don't you know i'm a writer? why don't you know most of the time i write about you?
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[19 Oct 2005|11:17pm] |
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The floor likes your frowns, but I like your smiles.
More Emery (October 19th. Allston, MA.) pictures coming soon.
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[19 Oct 2005|12:50am] |
You know, striving and reaching for perfect never really works out. Perhaps you can touch it, but never keep it. There's always that slight piece of damage that is shown. a rip of cliche. a dose of flaws. kiss up, drink me. mix it up, baby. drink me, kiss up. everything's never right on track. so step off those train tracks tonight. steer away from the bright light that is about to interfere with you and the air/ground. drink up, kiss me, baby. that's no alcohol your drinking, it's the fears that pour out of my eyes. all the scared thoughts, and discontent feelings. over-passing the untouchable days. sounds a little familiar, right? correct me if i'm wrong, but it's all been said, it's all been done. the second time will be worse, but i never want it to happen. it's all different now. read my incoherent words. your so far from perfect and so far from my bed right now. you complete me in many ways. this never started out to become what it's ending with. wait. i mean this paragraph. actually, thinking back. the day we first met, i never had intentions of "us" coming along this far. amazing. crazy. well maybe not intentions, but never had hopes, or thoughts in general. fuck it; it's clear i have no idea what i am saying. but everything seems so right, right now. it's all fitting into place. i love every moment of my life and it's safe to say: i do not feel miserable.
excuse me sir, but i had plans to die tonight.
do you know how many times that line applies to my past.
it was all in my head.
it was all in my head.
back to not feeling miserable.
days on top of days. i use to spend my life feeling miserable and unhappy. it's just a waste of time. believe me when i say this. if you're sitting there, dying to scream because you hate everything going on around you, take a step out of your life for a minute. think about how things will eventually change.
just stop, nicole. you're not making any sense.
it's all in my head.
it's really a wake up call when:
1) someone tells you they were happy to see you happy.
and a few months later...
2) someone asks you if you are truly happy in life.
and you reply with "most of the time".
what is that suppose to mean?
i do not know.
it's crazy how much you can change in one year.
how much one person can change you.
how one person can help you so much.
don't skim for your name tonight, baby. it's all cryptic. your name is hidden.
take three certain words, and take them to your grave. forever.
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| Not even hell could be hotter than you right now. |
[18 Oct 2005|09:32pm] |
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Break A Leg - The Spill Canvas. |
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Sometimes it's friends only, sometimes it's public.
It's not like anyone even knows this journal exists,
except for the few who are listed as friends.
I'm so glad I didn't delete this.
I saved it for a year,
and one day,
decided to type a little bit once again.
Zachary called me when he was half asleep,
we had a short conversation,
with him half asleep,
and then he fell asleep,
while i decided to talk about nothing,
and how my day went,
and then.
i listened to him breath into the phone for 45 minutes,
while i was half alseep myself.
then the phone either a) got disconnected or b) he woke up and hung up.
then i woke up.
and have been lurking the internet and such.
i just started something, but it belongs in a seperate entry...
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[17 Oct 2005|11:52pm] |
Emery
Gym Class Heroes
Gatsbys American Dream
As Cities Burn
Wednesday October 19th.
ICC
Allston, MA.
Anyone going?
Say hello.
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[02 Oct 2005|11:37pm] |
What does one say to a person who has inspired them so much you live in their words?
This unmet person will be met soon and I can't think of the words to say.
Thank you is too simple and short.
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[26 Sep 2005|01:52pm] |
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movingpictures. |
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...it's the PMS talking, baby. don't believe a word i say.
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[24 Sep 2005|01:26am] |
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i'm sick of being the only one not homesick.
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[23 Sep 2005|12:22am] |
because christmas songs are better in september.
because i was never really good at falling asleep growing up.
it's all coming back.
the blank stares at walls for hours before i fall asleep.
i remember writing in my journal (this was before internet diaries) every night about how i couldn't sleep.
and signing the page at the bottom,
i still do that,
every time i write.
too much on my mind and i just wish it was friday afternoon.
that feeling - right before your about to cry.
do you know what i'm talking about? you do, don't you.
i like that feeling, but i don't like the feeling of crying.
but i like the feeling of a cold tear sliding down my cheek.
does that make sense?
for the past year or so, every time i have cried, i have not once wiped away a tear.
i keep on lieing but i keep on telling the truth.
i wish i wasn't me sometimes, but i wish i wasn't anyone different sometimes.
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[20 Sep 2005|09:34am] |
Who am i?
Right now,
I am not working (but still have a job),
not going to school (but starting in January),
happy (but not happy because I'm bored),
wasting my days (but not wasting my days, because i need rest),
and tired (but not tired because tylenol PM helped me sleep).
This is pretty much how every day goes for me:
7am wake up call from my boy, who's on his way to school.
Fall asleep, phone in hand. (god bless god bless starsixseven)
Wake up between 10am and 1pm.
Watch television/lurk over the internet.
Shower around 3.
Conversations with people who got home from school.
Eat the only meal of the day - dinner.
Something crafty maybe - beading.
Internet until midnight, or later.
Fall asleep anywhere between midnight and 5am.
Oh and I suppose a nap sometimes in between.
And the occasion trip to a store or ride with a friend.
Mono loves me.
Talking cute is the new turn on.
Bed time stories over the phone is the new phone sex.
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[29 Jun 2004|02:41pm] |
I don't even know why I keep this journal.
Summer isn't summer yet.
It's 60ยบ.
That is not summer in new england.
I'm sick of complaining and not getting my license.
I've decided I will never drive. Because car crashs is something i don't want to get into.
I attempted to run away to Chicago.
I only got to the end of the street. where i screamed at the top of my lungs. and i screamed some lyrics that shouldn't be heard by anyone.
i need a book to read. recommend a book to me. thanks.
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[05 Jun 2004|12:40am] |
Oh, what, 8 days? How amazing is that.
Anyways.
Even though it's early Saturday morning technically, lets pretend it's still friday so I can write "tonight" and "today".
Today was like any other normal friday. Watched the clock all day and waited to get out. I feel like it's the summer and we're already out of school. But Monday will be a harsh reality when I realize we still have 2 weeks + finals. Lucky Seniors. And the Prep, you lucky shits are out too. Justine came over after school and we just hung around. Then dropped her off at home and picked up Meagan. [stuff stuff stuff]. At 7 we went to my brothers 8th grade Graduation. It was sad, it reminded me of my graduation 3 years ago. Then I thought about how much I miss that school and a few of the people. I saw all my old teachers, but of course avoided getting close to any so I wouldn't have to talk. Then I heard one of Rays friends say "i'm so glad were out of this school" or something along those lines. I remember when I said the exact same thing. I remember standing outside taking pictures with Justine and Ryann. I hate thinking back to 8th grade, because then I realize how dumb and ignorant I was. If I could go back, I would do it all over again, and a lot different then how I lived through 8th grade. I loved just hanging out with Ry and Justine, but I realize how awful and mean and shit i was to some girls. I think by 8th grade all the girls just wanted to ring eachothers throats. The whole friend cliques were a mess. It was ridiculous.
On to other matters. After Graduation, we came back here. By then it was 9:30 or so, and me, Meagan, Keith and Ray took a long walk. It was funny as hell, and Id rather not sit here and explain all the crazy shit that went on, because i would have a forever ending list. All I got to say is, Keith running up to a camera in the McDonalds parking lot and waveing to it and lifting his shirt up and "flashing" the camera is priceless. Oh man, some funny pictures too. Some random porter potty on a side street.
This was a useless entry.
I'm so tired, my eyes are weak, my legs ache.
I miss the summer of '02. Come back summer =( . JM, JM, DC.
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[16 May 2004|03:37pm] |
You only get so far, i'm realizing sweet forever.
:sigh:
iheartthecadence.
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